Dualism: a Key to Living in Greater Balance

Dualism: a Key to Living in Greater Balance

A subtle but common trap experienced by clients - by most people, in fact - in their daily lives arises when they view their struggles and suffering through the lens of an either/or perspective.

  • Either I can trust him, or I can’t trust him.

  • Either I am calm and in control, or I am out of control and should avoid this situation entirely.

  • I am a success, or a failure.

  • Either my symptoms will go away, or I am facing something terrible that may never heal.

  • Either I will consistently set appropriate limits, or I will forever be taken advantage of.

  • Either I am a kind and caring person, which will attract people to me, or it must be that I am, at my core, unworthy and undeserving.

This either/or, black/white perspective is out of sync with how the world operates.

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A Coupling Primer for Couples

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A Coupling Primer for Couples

People are social creatures. We are not designed to live solitary lives. We do have varying preferences for how we connect with others. Some people prefer smaller, intimate circles of friends (introverts), while others are drawn to larger groups from which they draw their energy and social rewards (extroverts). Whatever your specific preference, most people seek out their deepest level of connection with just a single partner in whom they powerfully invest deep hopes and dreams about their future lives. (Let me temporarily move past the sad truth of how often people’s choice of that life partner doesn’t last as they’d hoped.)

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Seeking Solidarity in a Time of Division

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Seeking Solidarity in a Time of Division

We are witnessing the fallout from at least four years on increasing divisiveness in our country. With results of the 2020 general election still in doubt, the intensity of the polarization remains all too apparent. We know that the heat of polarization can be inflamed, so that “different” becomes “unrecognizable,” and this, in turn, becomes “unacceptable” or “intolerable.” Is this suspiciousness and rejection of “the other” avoidable?

Nurturing the Ecosystem Within

Nurturing the Ecosystem Within

Biology describes an ecosystem as a diverse group of living and non-living things that live together in a cooperative and collaborative way. That description is helpful, too, when we explore the nature of our struggles to remain healthy and to regain our health when we aren’t. Each of us stands as an ecosystem of internal pieces and parts that live - ideally - in cooperative and collaborative balance with each other. Each of us is also part of the larger ecosystem that surrounds us - our personal, larger social, cultural, spiritual, and even planetary system of which we are but a single and unique element.

When our inner and/or outer ecosystems are out of balance with our needs, ill-health or disease results (dis-ease: dis,” which means apart or asunder, and ease, which means comfort or without effort). In other words, we lose our health when our natural, effortless comfort falls apart or is torn asunder.

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A Shrinking Focus

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A Shrinking Focus

We are beset each day by the enormity of challenges we are facing; To name but a few: The pandemic. Climate change. The November election. The world economy. Family and health security when facing joblessness. Any one of them can feel overwhelming. Together, they can leave us feeling swamped by a global tsunami of worry, despair, fear, disconnection, and loss. What we can do is often right in front of us, if only we learn to see the details that sit beneath our “big” picture preoccupation.

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Building Solidarity

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Building Solidarity

Solidarity involves a feeling of common purpose that unites people and urges a course of action toward a common goal. The original meaning of solidarity reflects our interdependence with each other. While we may act as though we are distinct and separate human beings who act independent of one another much of the time, when situations arise that bring us together, we can appear to reconnect with our underlying commonality: the interconnectedness that unites us.

The Benefits of an Unfocused Mind

The Benefits of an Unfocused Mind

We usually pride ourselves on our ability to analyze, plan, reason, and to solve complex problems. The human brain, particularly our brain’s pre-frontal (or “executive” brain) enables us to do that. But where do innovation, life’s “Eureka” moments, creative inventions, and spontaneous epiphanies come from? Surprisingly, they rise up from the work of the brain’s basement. Read on to discover the benefits of your brain’s Default Mode Network.

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The Magical Path in the Covid Era

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The path

Each morning, I walk a nature path that winds through a forest and along a stream and marshland. For years, I’ve walked or run along this path, regardless of the season. In this new world defined by the Covid-19 virus, I’ve watched as the path has gone through a magical transformation.

A few weeks ago, depending upon the hour, you could hike the path without seeing a soul. With each passing day, as we moved further into Spring, more people began appearing on the trail, emerging from their winter homes like the green shoots that popped up and out from the trees, shrubs, and other plants that filled the forest.

The composition of the people reflected how we were all adjusting and adapting to life in the Covid Era. Older couples or individuals appeared first. Next came young children, leading their parent(s) on foot as together they escaped being locked in at home and could allow their urge to explore to find a place to express itself. They were followed by mothers and fathers pushing baby-filled strollers. Small groups of individuals and couples appeared, as well.

Without any formal discussion or agreement, an automatic social distancing etiquette was evident. When coming to within 50 yards of an on-coming person, both parties discreetly moved to opposite sides of the trail. No conversations were held, but a hearty, “good morning,” or “take care and stay safe,” became the ritual exchange. We shared this natural space together. We absorbed the sights and sounds and smells of the forest together. We all sought Mother Nature’s timeless ability to rejuvenate us as together we went forest bathing with one another (see https://bit.ly/2xdtu8i).


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The real magic

Almost unnoticed among the people taking in the water’s Spring flow, the blooming trees and sprouting greenery, were tiny bits of color - reds, yellows, oranges, blues, and purples. Painted stones. These painted stones sprouted anew each day like colorful magical mushrooms. Creations of forest elves (or arts and crafts projects of parents and children), the painted stones began to appear each morning in the forest underbrush, or precariously balanced on a fallen log, or nestled into a hollow in a trunk hacked out by a wood pecker.

The sayings inscribed on the stones were simple but inspirational. They reminded us to be hopeful. They encouraged us to remember we are all in this together. They inspired us to care and be kind. And, they sprinkled a new magic into what was already a beautiful daily ritual as all the forest walkers became engrossed in a new game of hide and seek. Now, we remind each other as we pass by one another on the trail, speaking out front behind masked faces at safe social distances, to “look out for the one on the log,” or “keep your eyes peeled around the bend,” or “there’s a new one today by the stream.” A community of neighbors who’ve become active participants in a daily ritual of discovery - of wonder, of smiles, of freedom from fear, as together we make our way, step-by-step, through another day in the Covid Era.

Thank you elves, wherever you are.

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Starting over...again

Starting over...again

Every spring, at least in Minnesota, where the yearly seasons are quite distinct from one another, a sense of renewal, awakening, and promise fills the air. After seeming to hold our collective breath all winter as protection against the cold, spring arrives with a quickening of the breath in the warming air and a hurried anticipation of how best to express the promise of spring. Read on to apply a mindset of “beginning again” to your daily life.

Finding Solace and Calm Amidst the Chaos

Here are the headlines from today’s New York Times (March 27, 2020). I share them for one reason only. After reading the headlines, notice the reaction you have: Do you feel the up-welling of nervousness or anxiety? Do your thoughts begin to accelerate? Does the content of your thinking trend toward all sorts of dark future possibilities? Does your body want to freeze in place or perhaps generate the urge to run, to get away, to move? Two audio tracks to settle in and settle down. Enjoy!