Loving Connections

Why are Relationship Struggles so Common and so Challenging

Excuse me for being a bit skeptical about relationship therapies. Given that I work with many couples of all shapes, sizes, and ages, that may be surprising, or even confusing….Aren’t there some basic, common sense, and proven truths about what creates relationship struggles and challenges and what can be done to help you to get back on track toward a more satisfying, rewarding, and fulfilling relationship? Thankfully, the answer is yes.

Awash in Neuro-Chemical Data and Still Uncertain What You Want or Need?

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the “recipe” for loving relationships could be distilled into just a few words? The complexity of individual and interpersonal needs that intersect in our relationships prevents any simplistic, one-size-fits-all solution. But, there are several timeless skills that appear over and over as essential to cultivating strong, loving, and lasting relationships. In this post, I connect the brain’s functioning to relationship health. I hope you enjoy it!

Taming Our Urgent Striving Yields Better Results For All

I have found that many clients greet the end of the year with a keen focus on where they believe they fell short this past year. And, as they face the New Year, they promise to double down, try even harder, and seek to make up for perceived “lost time,” as though we can ever regain what is already done and behind us. What can nature teach us about taming our urgent striving to “get ahead” and “make up for lost time” that ultimately puts us further behind? Read on…

The Gift of Authenticity

For so many, the period between Thanksgiving and New Years is fraught with challenges as families get together (or don’t) and old scores, unmet needs, unacknowledged concerns, simmering grievances, and cosmic clashes detract not only from the spirit of this time of year but from the ability of families and the individuals who comprise them to find a path to peace. For some simple but powerful ideas to guide you though this season, read on.

Thank you, Charles Darwin

Diversity, it seems, is hardwired into Mother Nature’s plans. But, what role does diversity play in supporting intimate relationship health? This blog explores the role diversity plays in our bodies, our social communities, and ultimately in our intimate lives. Read on to learn more. 

Exiting Love's Perpetual Tug-of-War

Exiting Love's Perpetual Tug-of-War

In seeking love, we engage in a never-ending tug-of-war with ourselves that dramatically colors our connection to our partner. On one hand, we take actions that we hope will make permanent (as in, "lived happily ever after") our connection to the “other” (spouse, partner, lover, or friend). We act from the barely conscious belief that “if only” we make the right choices we will achieve our romantic/intimate ideal. On the other hand, we are haunted by the dim awareness that no matter what we do, our efforts will ultimately end in separation from that ideal partner. They'll disappoint us, leave us, or we'll end up leaving them. (In this blog, I’ll use partner to refer to our intimate other, regardless of the form of the connection.) Read on to learn to build better connections. 

Does Getting "Hot" Make Stronger Connections?

Does Getting "Hot" Make Stronger Connections?

Why do we say we “feel warm” toward someone to whom we feel close and are attracted? What is the link between physical temperature and the allure and strength of our attraction toward someone? Why do we describe someone who doesn’t greet us in a friendly way as giving us a “cold reception” or the “cold shoulder” when we are ignored? Is there really a connection between having “warm-hearted feelings” and physical temperature? Read more to learn what science says and what you can do to get closer...