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Exiting Love's Perpetual Tug-of-War

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Exiting Love's Perpetual Tug-of-War

In seeking love, we engage in a never-ending tug-of-war with ourselves that dramatically colors our connection to our partner. On one hand, we take actions that we hope will make permanent (as in, "lived happily ever after") our connection to the “other” (spouse, partner, lover, or friend). We act from the barely conscious belief that “if only” we make the right choices we will achieve our romantic/intimate ideal. On the other hand, we are haunted by the dim awareness that no matter what we do, our efforts will ultimately end in separation from that ideal partner. They'll disappoint us, leave us, or we'll end up leaving them. (In this blog, I’ll use partner to refer to our intimate other, regardless of the form of the connection.) Read on to learn to build better connections. 

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Does Getting "Hot" Make Stronger Connections?

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Does Getting "Hot" Make Stronger Connections?

Why do we say we “feel warm” toward someone to whom we feel close and are attracted? What is the link between physical temperature and the allure and strength of our attraction toward someone? Why do we describe someone who doesn’t greet us in a friendly way as giving us a “cold reception” or the “cold shoulder” when we are ignored? Is there really a connection between having “warm-hearted feelings” and physical temperature? Read more to learn what science says and what you can do to get closer...

Connecting...for the Long Term

Connecting...for the Long Term

Love and Connection: the twin pillars of longing and being that prop up the roof under which we live our lives. Getting intimately close to someone triggers a cascade of chemicals throughout our brains and bodies, including opioids, morphine-like molecules also found in heroin...How can we reduce the odds that our love doesn’t go haywire? Read on to learn about surprising skills that help love last.

Is Love a Dangerous Liaison?

Is Love a Dangerous Liaison?

Love, in all its endless variety, for better or worse, often runs our lives. About 60% of songs croon about love. One music survey found that among the chart-topping pop songs, over 90% yowl about sex, not love. Love and sex aren’t the same, of course. Many people lament the confusion, broken-heartedness and unrequited yearnings that develop when a person or couple sadly settles for sexless love or loveless sex. Many clients come to my office bearing witness to the challenges of sustaining longer-term connections that are supported by both love and sex, which is ultimately about authentic, intimate connectedness. Read on to learn more about inserting "healthy danger" into your love life. 

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Are We Coming or Going? And, What Decides?

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We’ve all heard the phrase, “I don’t know if I’m coming or going.” I’ve certainly thought that, and felt it, too. It is an experience of (hopefully) temporary confusion and internal conflict. For me, it is often reflected in a moment when I feel pulled in two directions making it a personal struggle to decide what to do next. While this feeling can arise when I’m simply tired and “brain drained,” operating in a sort of mental fog, I can also experience this mental tug-of-war when there are compelling reasons for two equal but opposing options and I can’t for the life of me figure out which is best. Read on to learn to reduce this confusion by exercising BOTH sides of your brain...

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Timeless Medicine for Waking Up to Life's Possibilities

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Children seem to have no trouble being wide “awake to life.” Neither do puppies for whom every walk involves unbounded enthusiasm and sheer ecstasy at the wonder of it all. The boundless joyfulness and inquisitiveness they show is inborn. It is a natural endowment for being born into this world. Where does that sense of wonder and awe go with time’s passing? Is it recoverable? What is the path by which we can recover it? Read on to learn the steps to "wake up" your brain and reinvigorate your life. 

Building a Brave New Brain for a Brave New World

The more things change, the more they seem to change ever faster, transforming us and propelling our world in profound and unpredictable directions. Eric Schmidt of Google estimates that the total amount of information generated in the world, whether by selfie photos, tweets, texts, and hurriedly dispatched emails and memos, doubles every two days. Read on to learn how you can build a brave new brain in our rapidly changing world.

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Why PAUSING Ignites a Revolution to Develop Your Evolutionary Health

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Modern medicine has brought us revolutionary advances that support better health. But, is the health that modern medicine supports what we mean by true healing? I think not. True healing is not just revolutionary but actually evolutionary. Over millions of years, we have gradually evolved to become self-organizing creatures capable of self-correcting and self-healing in the face of the vast majority of problems that beset us.

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The Care & Feeding of a Human Soul

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What is the recipe for living a full and fulfilling human life? What are the essential ingredients? Can they be mixed together quickly or does the recipe require slow cooking? These questions actually have science-based answers that align well with ancient wisdom. The real conundrum is why, when the “answers” are at hand, do relatively few people take full advantage of them and adjust their lives accordingly.

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How Holiday Cheer Can Bring Joy to the World

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December. Winter break. Kids on vacation. Time off work. The Holiday Season. Christmas and Hannukah, which this year begin on the same day, reminding us, if we choose to remember, that an invitation to rededicate ourselves and renew our world is upon us. The Winter Solstice. Lights, smiles, fireplaces and burning logs, get-togethers, hugs and laughter. For many, lots of joy. For others, bittersweet memories, unfulfilled dreams and unsatisfied wishes, maybe even loneliness or melancholy. And, of course, there is counting off yet another year of a finite but unknowable number. The ledger is longer, fuller but still not complete.